Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just high enough for therapy.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
