If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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