..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
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