I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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