so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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