I'm going to jail i love you
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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