you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
