Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize