Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
