12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
