halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
that is very illegal...i love you.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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