what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
