Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She even gives head with a lisp.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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