but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
