What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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