I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize