Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
