So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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