Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
