exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
