Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
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I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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