I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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