No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
