Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
