i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
