i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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