Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
