You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Damn victory sex feels great
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Success! We fucked roommates!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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