I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
