the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize