I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
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Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
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Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.