I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!