I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
