FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
