guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
They left me at home... I'm a liability
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
