Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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