Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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