i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
