AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
two words...techno handjob
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
