I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
