Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
