Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
