i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
