talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
