I heard we made out
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
