we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
