There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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