Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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