I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
