Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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