i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
