it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
