So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
