Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize