There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he shaved USA in his pubs
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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