Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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