I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
