just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i drank out of a bidet.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
