if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
