um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my shit smells like andre
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
